A Love Song For a Savior

now

2010-07-21T22:48:00.002-04:00

where i am now is a good place. the land that God has me in for now is Charlotte and i'm finally finding my place again in this city. for some time i wasn't sure if i was coming or going. for now i'm staying and trying my best to not focus on running to something else without living the now. i've been here almost 6 years...much longer than i would have planned for myself. but God has bigger plans and he has taught me to be patient and trust his guidance. about a year and a half ago God confirmed yet again his desire for me to go on the mission field and in about a year and a half from now i'll be well into the process for prepping and raising support. i have to say that not living near family already for almost 6 years has been difficult and sometimes the thought of going to the mission field shortly after my obligations in Charlotte are fulfilled is a bit overwhelming. but the other day i was thinking about Texas and how much i love that place. i was thinking about how much it and the people there have changed and how much i have changed. how i don't know if it would live up to my expectations or for that matter if i would live up to theirs.

so i learn something new about myself. i find it safer and most comforting to go to an unknown place than to one that i have been absent from for a long time.

this place

2009-12-31T00:48:00.003-05:00

there are so many mixed emotions in this place. the anticipation the excitement...it's like walking into a calm storm that i know is waiting to explode into something way too big for me to carry. i am not their savior i tell myself. i cannot carry their burdens nor can i make their decisions. i try to find my own calm in the storm as i walk into my room that has always been my room and the pain in my heart, the fear in my tears that i try to keep as quiet as i can are still the same twenty some years later. i pray and try to focus on the freedom i have in Christ. my mind wanders wondering why He has chosen me as His daughter and how easy it would be to slip into something anything where i could escape but i am reminded that He has always comforted me and will continue to do so. i don't really want to be here anymore. i take on more than i should each time i come back. it's like i have to reclaim my freedom every time i leave. there are strongholds that are so tightly bound here that it makes it so hard to breath. there are ten bricks in my chest right now and i ask they be lifted. some bricks are old and have been there many years and yet others disappeared and came back in pieces that seem to weigh more than the whole and some are new. the new ones are lighter at least for now they are but i'm sure they too will get heavier with time.

a true labor of love

2009-12-13T11:29:00.004-05:00

Amazingness at it's best...this song made me weep the first time I heard it and still brings tears each time I hear it. This is Christmas without the glitz and pompous attitude that our culture has made it to be. It's raw with the reality of the birth of our saviour.

Passion to glorify Him, that's all you need

2009-09-08T22:41:00.002-04:00

I've been struggling with finding passion in what I do for some time now. We've been on a sermon series at church called "in between" and we've been going through Exodus and the journey of Moses and the Israelites. Sometimes I feel like Moses and other times I feel like the whinning Israelites.

So here's my scrambled train of thought and how the Lord has been speaking to me over the past few days. God has given the Israelites a promise and he has given me a promise too. The promise is being fulfilled daily as he provides for the Israelites and for me. The Israelites still whine and are unsatisfied with where they currently are and well, that's me too. So I was thinking about the Israelites and what was going on spiritually with them. I was really thinking about this "in between" time of waiting and obedience. Even though it seems simple it dawned on me that even though I might have lost passion for what I do, irregardless of that my first passion should be to glorify the Lord and that should be enough. So I started my day with that attitude and boy is it hard sometimes. I found myself throughout the day slipping into "whinny Israelite" mode. So for now I'll continue to walk in the Lord's will during this "in between" time and strive to glorify Him each day even on the toughest of days.

a challenging Sunday

2009-08-23T22:20:00.004-04:00

I work in advertising or should I say I am a slave to advertising. Today at church, Pastor Jonathan spoke about keeping the Sabbath day holy. And not legalistically as most might understand this. It hit me hard because even now I am working, so you see why I was so convicted. Right now just taking a break to vent and process what I heard today. So we should keep the Sabbath day holy because doing so glorifies the Lord. He rejoices in us resting in Him and we need it. I know I need it...time and time again I've seen how my body, mind and spirit just can't run at the pace this industry demands. So I'm left thinking how to find that balance...it's really not acceptable to say you can't meet a deadline; yet I am challenged and I desire to honor my Father in heaven.

a new favorite song

2009-05-28T11:50:00.004-04:00

Hillsong United's new CD is filled with powerful lyrics. So far this is one of my favorites!

Desert Song

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer and my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

you have called us to greatness

2009-03-30T22:15:00.002-04:00

yet we continually fall short of that. the demands of the day were too much and instead of having a good attitude about it i got grumpy. which only makes things worse. on top of work that needs to get done still at some point tonight there was class that i had to attend. a three hour lecture that i really had no intention of going to because of the pile of work that was waiting for me when i got home. but God was whispering to go until finally i jumped in my car and headed to class even though i was already late. on my way there i might have shed a few tears and i thought well i'll stay for about an hour and then head back to get my work done. i think i was mostly disappointed in myself because ONE i was not in the best of moods and TWO i don't want work to interfere with my class but it does. i got to class, sat down and was still in a sour mood but THEN the lecture got good and i knew i was sitting there because God had lots to tell me. "missions exist because worship doesn't" i heard the lecturer say. good ole' John Piper statements never grow old. that wasn't everything, the woman was full of great stories from her experience - struggles and triumphs - that were ultimately all for His glory. i'm excited about the stories that i'll get to share some day.

This Post is for...

2009-02-10T20:10:00.002-05:00

...Lauren Tate!

Because she's sad I haven't written in a long while.

The past few months have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions, trials, blessings and miracles are rolled up together. What can I say...I do feel like I've grown through it all.

I'm moving finally - after four years of living by myself to a house that has been in the family of friends that I've made in Charlotte for several years now. We call it "The Nut" and I'll be living there with my great friend Jenn!

Getting back to the beginning about the rollercoaster ride; I don't think I've written in such a long time because so much has happened and I don't know how to succinctly put it into words. So maybe I'll get to it some day. But for now it resides in my heart and mind and in the ears of some of my closest friends. So I leave it at that.

Adios!

Hand it Over Peeps

2008-10-22T23:00:00.005-04:00

It is a great peace that comes from our Father when we are exactly where he wants us to be. This has been top of mind recently because of many decisions that I've had to make in recent months. Dad has been guiding me through it all and I'm so very much at peace with where I am that it gives me goosebumps. I know that they say that God has his hand on all, but the past few months he has shown me that sometimes He also likes to stir the pot too and shake things up a bit for us. Charlotte has been a place where I have been pruned and I'm certain that there's a lot more pruning to do while I'm here. Our sweet Lord is so faithful and knows our deepest desires and supplies all our needs according to His purpose. I don't know the exact details yet of His purpose but it's not for me to "worry" about. He's leading me to missions and I'm not sure where or exactly when but I'm certain of His calling. After seeing Him orchestrate magnificence over the past few months I know and He has shown me that I have nothing to worry about. When we hand things over to Him, He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine and that's exactly what He's done. So hand it over people!!!

thoughts after a movie...

2008-10-10T22:26:00.003-04:00

I need to vent. Frustrations that I know are already in my heart and not just politically regarding the war but also my frustrations with American idealism. It's remarkable how much you can do in a country or even a people group within our own borders when you respect the cultural nuances. And I don't mean you have to give up your "goals" as an outsider trying to bring about change, but you are more likely to bring about a lasting transformation if you learn about the people you want to change and begin to live as they do. And I know you must be thinking "live"...I won't ever do that. I want to challenge you that "to live as they do" can take on many forms, just step outside of your comfort zone - you'll know when you've stepped outside of it. We are so mechanically trained to be insensitive and to manipulate people with our power, money and even (at least we think so) our presence. We prance in bringing all our ideals demanding others to become "exactly" like us. There is much to be learned about our enemies and allies that would make us a better people. But even though we might see our moral failures and insensitive bureaucratic approach to change, our conscience sets it aside for another day and we continue to strive to change the world just as we did the day before.

call + response

2008-10-08T19:59:00.001-04:00

"Justice is what love looks like in public."

callandresponse.com

i thought my stomach was made of steel...

2008-09-22T16:21:00.002-04:00

...but it's not. A little friend named h. pylori has decided to inhabit my stomach and for the first time ever I can't eat all the weird things that I love. Hopefully this will pass soon.

pure freedom

2008-06-01T23:06:00.003-04:00

I wish I didn't have to pay back my student loans. Sometime I wish I hadn't even gone to school. To me my student loans are like bondage. If only I could find freedom in them. What is a piece of paper when the matters of the heart do not require a degree. I know that things take time and perhaps that in this time that God has instructed me to be faithful in paying these off that he is molding me into what he needs me. But in the mean time, in the waiting, in the disciplined and patient time of watching my salary go towards paying off this college education I am being drained. So the focus should be on Christ and on the truth on the everlasting life that he freely gives us - there is NO loan to pay back no debt to pay for what he give us - it's all just LOVE the purest that we will ever receive. I feel like one of the 12 disciples when confronted with the truth I still am frustrated and I find myself struggling to make the joy that only comes from Him fill my days so that when happiness is overwhelmed and taken over by sadness I can still stand firm. I know, one day I'll look back and laugh. I'll remember what God has taught me during this time and appreciate it. Do you often times find yourself questioning where you are? And even though you feel insecure there is a peace that comes from Christ that pulls you back. It's a constant struggle and it's not one that is easily fought. Stand firm and put on the armor.

Account Executive thought bubble

2008-05-23T16:37:00.002-04:00

I wish people were a bit more accountable. Driven to complete their tasks and be proactive. That I didn't have to keep tabs on all the things of those that can't seem to keep it together.

BE ACCOUNTABLE PEOPLE.*

*exceptions can be made for the creative team! But other than that...you have no excuse.

Watch this to learn more about what I do! Click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaoIsPZAgck

2008-04-28T22:32:00.006-04:00

|F|E|N|C|E|S|

2008-04-19T18:56:00.004-04:00

I have always had a difficult time explaining or maybe even defining exactly what my stance is on illegal immigration. I mean there's a lot that comes to mind when I start to think about. I remember back when I was small (very small) when my grandmother would open up her home to random people as they crossed into Texas to feed them. She didn't know them, but she could relate to them and never once did anyone steal or hurt us. But then all that came to a halt when the government decided to start arresting people like my grandmother or anyone that would even provide even the smallest ounce of assistant to an illegal immigrant. When I was in high school I can remember leaving my house to get to school in the morning and a woman with her child would be waiting outside our driveway to ask for help and all I could really do was tell them they could drink water from the hose and slip them an apple. I can remember the teenager that worked at the corner store here in Charlotte - he was smart, spoke English, was going to school, had bought a car - one week stops showing up to work because he gets deported - Is that right? - not in my opinion. But then I can also remember the times when things would get dangerous and one didn't feel secure. I am 2nd generation born in the US Mexican American - wow that's a mouthful. But I'm 2nd generation only because someone decided to come to the US and start something new. My grandfather was and is a good man. He came to the states and worked on a ranch before bringing my grandmother to start a family. They labored in the fields many years picking all sorts of fruits and vegetables - and my mom tells me great stories of going to the fields when school was out for the summer. My grandfather at one point down the road began his own business building cabinets and furniture, which he still operates today. He made sure my grandmother always had at least enough money to make tortillas and frijoles and he made sure each kid went to college. Then there are the stories of rapes and murders - but I ask myself - what makes a rapist or a murder - in reality it can be anyone - illegal, white, black, non-illegal, brown. So I do hate when people automatically think that just because you're illegal you're destined to be impoverished, destined to be a criminal, destined to cause problems in society. I do feel that one should try to learn English when they come here. I do think this country has a huge problem on their hands. I don't think that building a fence is going to solve it - it won't even help it. There are huge cracks in the system and it pains me to think that we haven't made any progress that can be seen as humane or dignified.

I heard and read on the news today that a National Guard troop from NC is being sent to the border to help build roads and fences. Now before I make this comment I first want to say that I don't think that all illegal immigrants are blue-collar workers. Many of them have degrees that they can't use here, so they have to start with labor work to support their families.

But if the National Guard wasn't building the roads or fences, who would?

ask and you shall receive

2008-03-31T22:31:00.004-04:00

A year or so ago I realized that I struggled with discerning God's voice amongst the bustle and for several months I prayed for discernment. Honestly I was afraid that I wouldn't hear him...

...but He has continually shown up to challenge me. He knew my doubting heart and my over-analyzing mind and yet He took the time to be ever so persistent and patient and precise that there's nothing left to question.

Dangerously Cheesy

2008-03-27T23:15:00.003-04:00

I crave Cheetos when I'm at work like nothing else...especially when I'm stressed. Earlier this week I ate five bags of Cheetos in one day and I was not feeling all that great afterwards.

I mentioned it to the women in my small group today and I found someone else that eats Cheetos at work when she's stressed too!! What are the odds?

So we got to talking about this quick fix that we've found and we determined why psychologically without even knowing it WE EAT CHEETOS.

When you eat these amazingly fake cheesy morsels of crunchy goodness you can't avoid getting cheesiness all over your fingers.

So pretty much for the several minutes that it takes us to consume this bag of Cheetos we are doing nothing else but eating our Cheetos. Why? Well because you can't do much of anything when you have cheesiness all over your fingers. You can't touch a single thing and it's not worth licking your fingers until the end. So for those few minutes you can't answer your phone, touch your keyboard to finish that deliverable that you've been working on now for several hours, or answer the emails that are waiting for your reply...

ESL Adventure

2008-03-25T21:27:00.006-04:00

What can I say I love cultures...I love languages...and I love people. All sorts of people. Today was my first day as an assistant in an ESL class. Everything about it just rocked my world. I was in the "Level 0" class, which pretty much means that each student in the classroom began with learning the alphabet!!! This particular class started in January so the students have been there now for several months but their English is still extremely rough. But they were all so eager to learn and it reminded me of the days when I first really started learning English. Most of them didn't believe that there was a point in my life where all I spoke was Spanish - so I told them that eventually they would be speaking better English than me!!

The interaction between everyone was hilarious and amazing all at the same time. A few times I wanted to just bust out in laughter but I held it in.

There were 3 Brazilians, 1 man from Mexico and 1 from Saudi Arabia.

So at any point in the lesson when everyone was confused, I would explain in Spanish, one Brazilian would ask me a question in Portuguese, I would answer in Spanish, another one would try to translate back and look at me to see if they had translated correctly and I would say yes, no, repeat yourself - SLOWLY!! And then we had the man from Saudi Arabia trying to grasp things as we went. My brain was clicking back and forth - Portuguese, English, Spanish, English, Portuguese...

...and I loved it.

After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. ~ revelations 7:9 ~

Zion

2008-03-11T00:04:00.004-04:00

The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing. ~ isaiah 51:3 ~

It keeps me strong resting on the truth that he will comfort me, he will look with compassion on all my mess, he will replenish me, and he will bring forth fruit.

There's something more, I know it!

2008-02-26T19:02:00.004-05:00

There's more to life than the corporate swamp that I'm swimming in right now. There's more to it than long hours and toiling over nothing. My ambitions of climbing the corporate ladder and making a name for myself somewhere in the advertising world have somewhat shifted. I like what I do to a certain extent. I love solving problems, being creative, making an impact on the bottom line, and providing good customer service as every account executive should but no more are the days where I longed to see myself on the front page of Ad Age. My focus has shifted...

To where I ask myself? Truth is I can't answer that, at least not in details. I do know it's more of a selfless pursuit towards something greater. And if it includes being on the front page of Ad Age and eventually going to Stanford for grad school then I'll gladly accept it.

Stepping Out

2008-02-23T01:33:00.012-05:00

I recently felt that I needed an outlet to express some of the things that have been transpiring in my life. By habit, I tend to be a closed box and keep a lot in until it becomes extremely too hard to carry on my own. I've gotten better through the years but I figured this would be a good way to stretch myself and let God show me how to be more vulnerable and open in the process. I know too for a fact that many of the people closest to me currently are experiencing many of the same things in their walks as me and also felt that it would be a great way to share how I am continually being changed for the better.

So with all that said I'll begin this interesting and a little frightening journey.

I often struggle sometimes to describe and explain how my relationship with Jesus started because I don't like to call it a conversion. The word "conversion" is difficult to swallow for me. There were and continue to be key moments in my life that have led me to acknowledge that God is on a journey with me and I with Him.

I knew as a child dragging my struggling family to Mass or going on my own that there was something more. God placed some important people in my life when I was in high school and for several years I challenged them, trying to attain that "something more" that they talked about by learning more Catholic doctrine and understanding "the religion" better to defend my beliefs and right to stand before God. My first year in college was pivotal. It was a year long battle of questioning and searching and although now I have way too many student loans to pay back because I went to Baylor and even though for quite some time I resented Baylor for its outward perfection I am certain that God sent me there for a reason. See Baylor is a Southern Baptist university that truly lives out its mission as a Christian institution for which I am grateful for now. When I returned home for the summer after my Freshman year the battle moved within the walls of my home. Because of the strong cultural ties to the Catholic church, my family could not understand why I would even think of questioning. Because of course, you are never taught to ask questions, only to follow rules and traditions. It always baffled me that the majority of the congregation could not even explain what the sacrament of communion was, or any other sacrament for that matter. So there I was that summer, in the middle of what I now recognize as a spiritual battle, when one Wednesday afternoon while reading through a devotion, God presented me with the truth. Flat out, just like I needed to hear it. I read, 1 Peter 1:18-21 and I was amazed and shocked and filled with immense joy and relief. For the first time it became so clear and real to me that the only one and the only thing that I needed in my heart was Him and I needed to lay aside all of my human attempts and just accept the simple truth. I was so excited so I headed to the small Baptist church I had begun to attend that summer while at home and when they asked if anyone had anything to give thanks for - I stood up and told them with a gigantic smile on my face that Jesus lived in me without a doubt.

I soon realized that something had really changed and although exciting, it was also frightening. The hardest part was feeling separated in a sense from my family. As children of God "we are the fragrance and knowledge of Him...we are the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing (2 Corinthians 2:14-15)". I became that aroma to my family and it was not welcomed. I struggled through this first trying to understand why my family felt betrayed. A few words my Dad firmly stated one night, "you were born Catholic, I raised you Catholic and you will die a Catholic" pretty much summed it up for me. I came from a big, Mexican, Catholic family that knew nothing more. It was status. It was culture. It was tradition. It was the norm. But I didn't settle and I won't settle.

Just as a sidenote - I know that if you fall into the trap of religion regardless of the denomination you have lost sight of the truth. People have their opinions about Catholicism and I have gone through my stages of what I think and this in no way is an attack on Catholicism. This is my personal journey which I know for a fact many people can relate to.